All photos by Isaiah Chua for RICE Media unless otherwise stated.
Being a twin in Singapore means living life in constant echo. It can be as confusing as it is comforting; a constant negotiation of selfhood. Throughout their whole lives in a system that loves to measure and label, they’ll always have someone to be compared to, for better or for worse.
In a society that prizes uniformity, growing up with a twin turns the search for a distinct personal identity into a daily puzzle. How does one find oneself when the world constantly compares you to someone who looks, sounds, and sometimes even thinks exactly like you?
Four pairs of Singaporean twins reflect on what it’s like to grow up shadowed and mirrored—and how they’ve carved out individuality. In this instalment of our photo essay mini-series Twin Echoes, sisters Lay Teen Ho and Lay Yen Ho share what it takes to keep their sibling bonds close through conflict.
Lay Teen & Lay Yen Ho, 59
Fraternal twins
Lay Yen: We never really had any difficulty growing up as twins. Because we were born only five minutes apart, we were naturally close to each other.
We’re fraternal twins, and we have different interests and tendencies. I like shopping while my sister likes to travel and enjoy nature.
Lay Teen: She’s very direct and frank. The kanchiong type. She worries about everything. She’ll tell me about things she’s worried about.
Oh, I get anxious too! But I like keeping to myself because I don’t want her to worry about me. That’s just my personality.
Lay Yen: I think she’s smarter than me! I’d say she’s also bold and fearless.
Lay Teen: You know, she’s also pretty bold herself. When we go to a restaurant to eat and the service is bad, she’ll be straightforward with her comments and tell the staff directly. Unlike me, I’d keep the remarks to myself and let things go.
Lay Yen: That’s because when it comes to unfair situations, I’m more outspoken.
Lay Teen: Let me tell you about a few interesting coincidences that happened when we were younger.
When I got a burn on my arm, she got a burn on her bottom. When I hit my head hard along the corridor, she also got a bruise a few days later. When I was under the weather with a fever, she also came down with one.
I don’t know if it was because we were twins, but those incidents just happened! We both got married when we were 25 and even gave birth in the same year, just six days apart. They still are our only children.
But the careers we chose were vastly different. I went to work at an office job, which I had already decided to do since I was 16, and she went to work in retail.
Lay Yen: I just pick things up a little slower, and I don’t really like to plan ahead. I’d do what felt right.
Lay Teen: At the end of the day, I felt a responsibility to take care of her because we were twins. Because we were technically the same age, she would always ask me for help.
But when I had trouble, I’d ask my other older siblings, not her. Just because she was the youngest amongst all of us.
Lay Yen: We did wish we were identical twins!
Lay Teen: I’d always imagined the possibility of looking exactly the same—like we could go to school and people couldn’t tell the difference between us. It would be fun.
Some people aren’t aware that there are two types of twins: identical and non-identical. Sometimes, they’d accuse us of lying when we told them we were twins.
But I think there were advantages to being non-identical, such as not having to be the centre of attention. People would treat us more like sisters and less like twins. We weren’t compared against each other at all.
Lay Yen: Any comparisons that we had with each other were just thoughts we held in our hearts. And if I’m being honest, she would be the first person I’d call if I needed help with something.
Lay Teen: We’re still so very close. She’d still call me to update me about her day or share her problems, because I really enjoy listening.
Our families are very close. Every Sunday, we gather at our mother’s house for dinner—a routine we’ve kept for over 30 years.
Even when we had conflicts—I recall one time when we argued loudly over our children—we still found a way to resolve them.
I think it was because one of us was jealous of the other, which caused that fight. I remember how we were still annoyed at each other, but by the end of the day, we had calmed down and spoken rationally to resolve the conflict.
Lay Yen: It was when the kids were really young. We argued in this very house.
Lay Teen: We admitted our faults to each other and reminded ourselves that we were sisters after all. We shouldn’t fight over such trivial matters. And even now, when we fight, I think we both have had our turns to initiate the conflict resolution, which I’m grateful for.
Lay Yen: I think calling each other helps. Making an active effort to reach out, especially when it comes to family gatherings in person. It has to be done in person, not online.
Lay Teen: We were really lucky. We had a big family that helped and looked out for each other because our parents were always out working. So now, we’re used to it. And that’s why we’re close today.
See, if you don’t build the right habits and foundations of communicating with each other from adolescence, you definitely won’t have a good relationship towards your siblings when you become an adult.
I think that if you’re trying to heal your relationship with your siblings now as an adult, you need to have good communication—but you also can’t be too frank with each other. Still, you have to be honest and not keep to yourself.
