Game Of Thrones has ‘ended’, the Marvel journey is complete, and I’ve finished every episode of Tidying Up With Marie Kondo. There is nothing more to live for and I can die in peace.
Unfortunately, the brands on social media won’t let me. The Endgame hype is so strong that every company is jumping onto the Marvel bandwagon. Some of them are pretty cool, but others make less sense than an odyssey up Thanos’ immaculate purple rectum …
With Avengers: Infinity War, this question is finally answered: life begins at semen. When Thanos snapped his fingers, it wasn’t just Spiderboy and Black Panther who disintegrated. Half the sperm in the world didn’t feel so good either.
Catholic Church – 1 Durex – 0
Now, it has added Marvel to the mix with Almighty: Endgame.
Peel Fresh has zero luck with their marketing. First, there were the ridiculous sponsored posts where Naomi Neo carried a 1-litre carton of fruit juice to quench her thirst. Now, we have No Sugar Added Kale juice drifting through the vast emptiness of space—where it rightly belongs.
Honestly, who the fuck in Singapore drinks Kale Juice? Don’t you think we’ve suffered enough already?
Blink twice if the Health Promotion Board is holding you hostage.
We—the people of Singapore—know how a finger snap sounds like. We may not be the best at avoiding scams, but you don’t need to write *SNAP!* in bold. Also: it’s hard to take your message seriously when you are using the same currency as Spongebob Squarepants:
If you answered ‘yes’ to all of the above, head down to Krystal Club Thonglor25 in Bangkok. Whether it’s a proper Asgardian pounding you desire or a Carol Danvers Kree-some, everyone deserves a happy endgame!
Cheers to the girl in the middle who’s trying to make Spiderman sexy by chewing seductively on the web. We appreciate that you tried.
